“Don’t say yes” I say just as Lana is about to say “I do”.
My heart is trying to burst out of the very expensive bridesmaid’s dress Lana got for me. Behind me, Carrie is groaning and muttering how she should have been the maid of honor, because she knew I wouldn’t be able to give up on Lana.
Lana turns to look at me smiling that crooked smile that always makes me want to cover her face with kisses.
“Extremely bad timing, sweetie. I’m kind of busy here.” On her other side Freddie is starting to get curious as to what’s with the holdup. He hisses a question I can’t hear and Lana waves it away.
“You can’t marry him. Don’t say yes.” I repeat.
This is the moment Lana’s mother understands what’s going on and bustles over to make sure it stops.
“Listen to me young lady, don’t you do this. Not now, not here, not ever. She’s going to get married to a nice young man and give me grandchildren like a good girl should regardless of what you say. I knew it was a mistake allowing you to be a part of this wedding.”
I ignore Maria, look Lana in the eyes as I take her hand.
“I know I can’t give you children the way he can, I know I can’t give you the life he can. But I’ve got something he doesn’t; I get you. You know I do. I understand your weird and dimwitted jokes. He will never understand or know you the way I do, even if he gets his head out of his arse for long enough to try. Which he probably won’t. I know when you’re picking a fight to make yourself feel better. And I know how to make you feel better. I know every line of your face and I want to dedicate my whole life getting to know the ones that will appear. I love you the way he can never love you.”
A single tear rolls down her cheek as the minister starts catching on what’s going on.
“You don’t know what you’re saying girl. What you’re talking about is an abomination to the Lord. You shouldn’t talk about such things in a church.”
“I shouldn’t talk about love? Commitment? I’m talking about the kind of love that will be there through the good times as well as the bad. Why is it an abomination if two people love each other and want to spend the whole of their lives together? What he’s committing to is love until he gets bored.”
Freddie says something like an objection but I don’t care. The preacher man stares in horrified fascination as I turn back to Lana.
“Please, I love you. I want to stay with you all my life, make a home together. I want to die on the same day as you do, so that not a day goes by that I can’t be with you.”
Another tear leaves her perfect blue eyes as she takes her hand from mine and looks from me to Freddie to her mom to the preacher and finally back to me.
“But what about children? I want to have children of my own.”
“We’ll work it out somehow, you know we will.” My voice is cracking, she has to see it. I have to be with her.
She turns to me and whispers one word “yes.”
I’m surprised and elated by the sound. I offer my hand to her and she takes it now starting to smile. I take a few hesitant steps towards the door at the end of the aisle. When I feel her following, I take faster and faster steps, until we’re both running away from the life that could have been towards the life that will be. The daylight nearly blinds us as we get outside and I wrap my arms around her and drown myself in her kiss.